Soooo I haven't blogged in a while, a lot has happened in the past like 2 weeks that I have a lot to catch up on. So lets first go to the beginning. Ok so after I went to Tampa to get my last check from Charlies, I came back to bradenton to hang out with my friend jenny. Our plan was to go see Airbender, so we took off to the theater. So apparently they have this tuesday recession special with like $1 popcorn and we somehow still got scammed into a large drink and popcorn for like $15 bucks.. it pretty much was dinner, I felt like I was nuzzinlg a small child on my side. Ok so the movie I thought, was pretty good, I mean, I haven't seen the series and a lot of people were upset cause of how the director made the movie, I thought it was nice, a little slow, maybe the next one will have a little more action. So after the movie we end up traveling through sarasota to locate a head shop. Finally finding it and avoiding the evil ominous clouds or rain and terror, ok so lemme just say there was this hot ass 6ft dark hair ripped guy who worked there who kept checkin out my junk and lifting part of his shirt up and adjusting his junk, this guy could have been a gq model.. ummmm yummmsies. So we eventually call it a night and I head home, so I'm pulling in and my sis is outside smoking a cig and the first thing she says is "don't be mad.. but the house flooded" luckily nothin of mine was damaged, just my clothes had to be rewashed cause everything smelled like mildew. So ok, the water pump that is connected to the duplex controls both sides.. if you're taking a shower sometimes he water cuts off and you have to go hit the damn thing with a stick to turn it back on and your lucky if it doesn't shock you. So anyways, she was rushing to get to work and had the bathroom sink on and it cut off, so she was out the door to work but thought it would be a nice gesture to turn the water on for the neighbors.. completely forgetting she didn't turn the faucet off in the bathroom, so basically she kicked it on and took of to work and the water was left running in the bathroom. Lemme tell you my room smelled like mildew for like 3 days.. At this point I was like else can happen... well.. the friends I had in bradenton have their own lives now, and despite them saying we're definitely gunna hang out like old times, I haven't heard from any of them in days and even with my attempts to meet up with em. Soooo I decided to reactivate my facebook.. cause I need some kind of sanity at this point and I really missed my friends.. so what do I see right when I get on.. my ex holding hands of my best friends ex... and of course I lost it, end up calling my friend Mis sobbing and gasping for air.. its was like someone came up and stabbed me in the back and in my heart.. its a pretty bad experience when a friend does that to you and realizing that your morals and ethics are not always the same as other peoples, just cause I wouldnt do something like that doesnt mean other people wont, I guess some people just know the rules of femminism and others dont. I guess no matter how much you love someone and think you know them, they can always surprise you with a side that you never seen.. lesson learned for sure.. this was like a week and a half ago I believe.. so Im getting over it.. it is what it is, people gotta lay in the bed they make. So with all of this, on top of the living conditions at my sisters and being alone in isolation and no friends.. and the fact that I cant get into school this semester at scf.. I decided it would be in my best interest to move back to tampa, where as an adult I grew up, so its more home to me now, than home itself. Since being back, I have been happier more involved with friends and doing things that help me keep my mind distracted from all the negative stuff thats happened to me. Currently Im back at Ryan and Josh's looking for a job, just applied to starbucks and greenwise. Im looking for an early am shift so I can have another part time job, I figure if I keep my self busy and work my ass off, doing fun things will seem that much more fun and pay off in the end. So thats the update as of now, so hopefully Ill be abe to continue my goals up here without any deterents and just worry about me cause at this point what I learned from others is, just think about only yourself.. cause youre all you have.
Hmm Home?
So It's only been about 4 days of being back home. Honestly I can say it much different and home doesn't seem like home anymore. This puts a dent in my ambitions when I was down here. I didn't anticipate what could be down here as apposed to what I thought was down here. I thought it would be like before I moved, just a simple small town life, not fast, nothing to strenuous or stressful, but the more I look around the more harder it seems than Tampa at times. I started with a perfect studio in Hyde Park, a fairly good job at Streetcars, and a boyfriend.. I guess you could say it was like the American dream for the gays. Now I'm in a 3 bedroom duplex, in the sticks, with no job and no boyfriend. Its a hard adjustment, and I just hope that I can get done with what I came down here for sooner than later. I think its just a hard transition seeing what I had and now realizing what I got. I suppose though that all that I lost is a encouragement for me to get it all back. Some things here seem the same, I guess its just growing up and moving out changes perspectives when you move back. I feel like I moved from something hard to easy and now I'm back here living the hard. I used to love coming outside here at night and looking at the stars and since being out here I can see one damn star, I seen more in Tampa and its just another discomfort of home not feeling like home. So I finally got my sister to clean the place a little bit, I mean I just kept sitting on my bed and saying "I cant do this, I cant live here.. what am I supposed to do?" I think now that she understands that I have to live in some kind of regularity and that there has to be some order and cleanliness for me to stay anywhere, that she'll stay on top of it. Since its been cleaned it looks and feels a bit better, its leveled off a little stress. So I met up with my friend Renee to see the new Twilight, it was fairly good. Nothing like seeing a love story for a person like me with a lonely heart, I don't think I'm being emo or anything, its just.. I don't think that was the movie I was meant to see just yet, a lot of things still remind me of my ex and thats hard and with living out here I miss a lot of things in Tampa and its just a harsh reminder out here. however ther were some good parts of the movie, I think though the whole Jacob thing was a bit dramatic, It seemed like his acting got worse.. I think its because I got more worried about how he looked on camera not how he acts.I was originally gunna see The Last Airbender, which prob would have been a better choice. I think Im gunna see that with my friend Jenny who moved down here from Tampa, It's nice knowing I have a friend from Tampa down here. She lives a bit away in Sarasota, but its only about 20 mins from here. Also, the friends I do have here lately seem to bail out on me, leaving me left at home all day with nothing to do..Have I mentioned it rains all day everyday here... Another dent in my goals down here, How am I supposed to ride my bike and be more outdoors, or exercise and run.. Ughh.. I just seems like nothing works no matter where I go and things only seem to get worse.. I'm really trying to make things work and looking past the crap to try.. I'm just hoping that I can stick it out. Im headed to Tampa tomorrow, I gotta get my check and give a massage on tues. So I think I'm staying over at my friends house. It'll be nice goin back for a day or two. I just need a breather since being back here.. Oh well Happy Fourth of July
Home Sweet Something
So.. It was my last day in Tampa this morning and then I made my journey back home to Bradenton. Well of course I would be locked out of the house, so I had to go to my friend Kristen's house to get the spare key. While I was there I thought I'd help out with the computer issue, with no prevail, apparently the cables outside are down.. So eventually I make it to the house, where I think my room will be somewhat prepared, I guess I was wrong. I walk in and find the place to be vomited all over by toys-r-us. So of course I have to clean..cause I cant be in a place thats in complete mayhem. So with half my stuff in my car I have to wait till the weekend to remove it and find a place where there are no places left in the house. So in the meantime I meet my longtime best friend nick, who was consoling a friend of his, apparently she was kicked out of her house.. seems like Bradenton is full of things dealing with the homeless or people moving.. so needless to say I had I left nick there to help his friend out and in the meantime I went to my dads house to get a few things from his storage, one being my saxophone that I'm gunna try to trade in for a guitar.. we'll see if that happens.. So I'm out there in Myakka.. basically the sticks, surrounded by my dad's baby coon hounds who tore my flip flops apart.. So as I'm about to leave my dad gets home with one of his buddy's and as I could have guessed before I left that he would put me to work.. so we get the mini tractor and haul about 15 30ft telephone poles off the back of his trailer.. and yes there would be flesh eating mammoth bull ants all over these damn things. So eventually I make it out of there and meet up with nick and my friend Ryan at Starbucks, catching up on times and meeting new people. what is that.. a fellow gay here in Bradenton.. he seems like a cool kid, glad I have someone to relate with while I'm down here. So after Starbucks we go to Joe's house (the gay) hang out there, however I couldn't join in on the festivities of chief big bong.. due to the lack of a job and the drug testing I'm sure I'll be dealing with.. Basically we just chewed the fat for awhile, and popped some pop-its (the little popper things that look like enlarged spermies on steroids, that explode on impact) and for a little time I didn't think about Tampa, the friends I'll miss and how life is gunna work for me here. It was nice not to be in my head and just having fun with old and new friends. Now I'm back here at the house, eatin some chicken yellow rice and figuring out what I'm gunna do tomorrow... and the plans are, to hang out with my friend Renee and Nick, possibly go see The Last Airbender and see if I can trade my sax. So here's to my first day back home, some things never change and heres to trying to change what hasn't.
Hey Me, Welcome Back!
So with 2 days left here in Tampa, I've been deciding which of my impossible possibilities I'd like to get started on first.. and here they are.....
1.) Start riding my bike more. I've already mapped out some bike routes I'd like to get started on when I get home, starting from 13mi to about 40mi. I put a feed link on the right with routes and it has a pretty cool feature that lets you get an aerial view of the route and takes you through the whole thing like you would be riding in a helicopter. when you click on one of the routes a pop up will appear, click on "watch course fly by video" (you may need to install the google extension, I'm sure it'll ask you.) I bought this bike almost a year ago and excited that I'll be putting more use to it, just trying to focusing on getting more active an outdoors.
2.) Focus on my studies. So I've been outta school for about a year and about 9 months outta massage school. I've been loosing what I've learned due to the lack of work and studying. So My goal is to focus on studying at least an hour each day at the least. I think reading in general would be a benefit for myself at this point, considering I haven't read a book in like 5 years if not more. I'm goin back to school hopefully this semester or the following, so I need to refresh some things in the noggin up stairs.
3.) I would like to get back into art, I think I'm a pretty decent artist. Lately I've been feeling the need to express myself through some color. I kinda gave up the idea of ever living just as an artist, thought the job security wasn't there and since that thought a few years back I haven't done what I like to do the most, so for my own satisfaction and benefit I think art will be good therapy for myself, something to focus on, other than the stress's of life. I would like to learn more techniques and ways to develop a style I can call my own.
4.) Learn how to play a new instrument. So I grew up playing the sax and like most things I get bored of I stop learning. So I've decided to pick up on guitar. I figure guitar is more expressive and has more of an artistic expression because, hey you can sing with it too! So my plan is to trade in my sax for a guitar, hopefully that works out. Hey, who knows I might be able to wright a song or two later. I feel like I need to activate and stimulate all parts of my brain and I heard music makes you smarter.. I guess I'll find out.
5.) Learn more sign language. It's a very visual language and I'm a very visual person. I took a few semesters of sign in college, so I'm not completely unschooled, although I am a bit rusty. My goal is to find a group that I can sign with, the best way to learn a new language is through integration. I use to meet up at Westshore mall here in Tampa, they have a deaf meeting and I learned a lot, plus the people are really cool. I doubt I'll ever achieve the mastery of a coda, but to communicate and express in a different language is a beautiful thing.
Pride & Friends
Ahhh well things went pretty well yesterday. Started out the day with goin over to my friend Dallas's house for some predrinking fun with the gays, before we headed off to St. Pete Pride. We eventually get there and I'm like thinkin that there's gunna be no parking whatsoever so we pull in as a car is backing out and all of us are like holy shit we lucked out.. funny thing was when we got to the other side of the building the whole other side of the parking lot was practically empty.. so we got all freaked for nothin, was pretty funny. So we get to Georgies Alibi, order a few drinks in the nice cool AC before we headed of to the parade down central. Ok so basically its record high temperatures and not cute. Everyones sweating balls and no one is happy bout it. Last year it Rained so we had some kinda cooling for like 15 minutes, yeah not so much this year. With hot weather comes topless individuals who shouldn't be topless at all. We seen this guy with the biggest nipples ever.. and saggin with the weight of heavy duty nipple rings.. the guy was like 55, wasn't pretty, but I guess he's just another color in the rainbow. We eventually meet up with some buddy's of mine, who were in the movie Short Bus and headed to the VFW a dive bar down central where I waited forever for a long island.. so after some refreshments we continue outside walking the streets and mingling with some friends who were scattered around here and there. We eventually decided it was a bit too hot to continue the walk and decided to go back in the AC at Georgies and kill it there before we call it a day. Hung out for about another hour with the boys and we all headed back to Tampa.
So I get home set 3 alarms for work and still some how managed to sleep through all three and be about 2.5 hours late for work. Didn't turn out to be such a big deal, we weren't that busy, go figure. My friend Anna had her birthday there and by 9 I was cut. So I hung out there celebrated with some friends and had to eventually leave to go back home because I had left my ID. So after retrieving it, I met up with Miss, Will and Kirk at Orpheum for sink or swim. Hung out there for a couple hours and a few beers later. Miss and I decided to check out Gbar for a minute. Luckily we only went for like 5 minutes cause that shit was packed wall to wall. I'm not much of a fan when clubs are filled passed capacity and you have a hard time breathing. So we headed back to Orpheum shortly after and at that time I starting drinkin my water to sober up. About 2:15 I leave, get home watch TV and pass out by like 5.
So I wake up today to a few missed calls, texts and a voice-mail from my boss saying I'm late to work. So I call back and let em know I requested this day off and for some reason I was still scheduled and somehow it was still my fault. Well I go in for 2 hours before I'm cut. Needless to say, there was no point in going in at all.. So now Im here at home relaxing like I planned, waiting to chill with Mis before he takes off to Miami. Not really sure what planned tonight but I guess Ill blog about that tomorrow.
So I get home set 3 alarms for work and still some how managed to sleep through all three and be about 2.5 hours late for work. Didn't turn out to be such a big deal, we weren't that busy, go figure. My friend Anna had her birthday there and by 9 I was cut. So I hung out there celebrated with some friends and had to eventually leave to go back home because I had left my ID. So after retrieving it, I met up with Miss, Will and Kirk at Orpheum for sink or swim. Hung out there for a couple hours and a few beers later. Miss and I decided to check out Gbar for a minute. Luckily we only went for like 5 minutes cause that shit was packed wall to wall. I'm not much of a fan when clubs are filled passed capacity and you have a hard time breathing. So we headed back to Orpheum shortly after and at that time I starting drinkin my water to sober up. About 2:15 I leave, get home watch TV and pass out by like 5.
So I wake up today to a few missed calls, texts and a voice-mail from my boss saying I'm late to work. So I call back and let em know I requested this day off and for some reason I was still scheduled and somehow it was still my fault. Well I go in for 2 hours before I'm cut. Needless to say, there was no point in going in at all.. So now Im here at home relaxing like I planned, waiting to chill with Mis before he takes off to Miami. Not really sure what planned tonight but I guess Ill blog about that tomorrow.
Beer'ifik
Well, the day started out kinda groggy, the night before a few friends of mine came over and got drunk, went skinny dippin in the pool. Needless to say our exhibition in us ended and we all went to bed. Well, sometime in the wee mid morning hours, my friend Misael decides to comes back home :P Well he just happen to wake up to Craig leaving at about 7:30, followed by a very naked Dustin walking through the apartment, the only thing he had running through his mind was..."oh my god.. am I in the right apartment?"..."did I go to the bathhouse...?" I soon eased his mind when I finally came out of my hibernation.
So we have this plan of goin to the Yuengling Factory, with will and a few of his friends, So we go to north Tampa and meet there. We had to watch this god awful video of Yuenglings history.. which the tour guide said was ten minutes.. its was more like 20 minutes.. F that shit.. also.. why the hell were there children on this tour.. you know they got nasty ass rednecks with their kids coming to a beer factory for some free beer.. We got to taking the tour of this factory got to look inside the wart liquid container.. were the beer is held for fermentation.. yes I guess i actually did learn something.. however I was immediately displease, apparently they just had emptied it.. my child fantasy like like that of Augustus Gloop, not to drink from a chocolate river, although that would be cool.. I was more or less thinking I would "Accidentally" fall in the container holding all the beer, back stroking and frog legging through the foam and drinking under water. Moving forward.. so the tour ended, we got our free 2 samples of beer.. I guess it was equivalent to 1 beer.. FYI.. dont get Yuenglings Dark & Tan.. it taste like ass in a hot dead carcass... the light was much better.
So we took our venture later to World of Beer in New Tampa.. not the cheapest place for beer... like at all.. But we all had a good time. We got to take our Cheers action shot in the corner of the bar and after figuring our Misael's camera, I become one hell of a photographer! I got some shots in there that look like the pictures that lonely people leave in the picture frames when they buy em. I could prob sell em to Walmart or who ever makes the frames and ask if they wanna use my pictures lol
So after World of Beer, it was off to Evos. OK so this is how it is with me and Evos.. I reaally love the concept behind it.. like I get it.. but I really dont like the food lol I know its because I've been programmed and used to this, fast food high fat, high grease and high calories.. but the bad shit always taste better.. you know it lol. I had the Steakburger and Air Fries.. they probably should put "Air" in front of all their items.. cause its like your eating air.. its so light, it doesn't fill you up lol I was like that was it.. understand We've been drinking.. I want some nasty ass greasy food cause every drunk person does lol..but over all Ill give it 3 outta 5 stars.
So, get back to Will's apt. where I get my Tarot read.. pretty exciting stuff esp. with all the things Ill be faced with in a week. So basically they had told me.. that I am trapped behind something that is keeping me from getting the things I want most, and that once I figure it out and move past that I can start my new journey somewhere new.. I have a strong desire to learn new things and to take control of my life and soon I will be able to do that.. I just have to displace all the bad things and be willing to over come obstacles to achieve my goals. It was more or less right on cue. One card was about a person who I would have met a year ago, and this person was supposed to be the energy of what I am or was going to be. Someone who influenced me.. and yada yada yada, I couldn't help but think it was prob Jeremy who he was describing as most people there thought the same thing. But I dont think it would have been fair to judge a reading around one idea of recent things.
So my friend Erin was in this dance competition at the Ritz in Ybor, I got there a little late, but since her group was one of the later performances it all worked out. Funny thing was.. it was like a mirage lol cause as soon as I walk in not 20 feet in front of me walking to one side of the building was the ex.. I prob should have figured he would have been there, I met Erin through him and they work together. But for a minute I kinda jolted. I went the opposite way, hanging by the left. I guess it was good seeing him, mixed emotions are had to figure out, its hard to move on when you still see em around town. Anyway, so the show was actually very good, I was glad i went. I felt kinda bad for the aerial acrobatic chick cause they screwed her music up royally. Like 7 times a static boom.. music stopping.. restarting. it was bad, but she was a trooper and finished. Same things happed the the tap dancers, they still went on. and finally the moment I was waiting for.. So I see these few people come out with masks and I was like is that Erin.. yeah with that smile and swagger.. thats definitely her lol her group kicked ass.. they had the most eclectic taste and mix of all the styles even aerial. Couldn't help but to cheer her on as I annoyed the guys standing in front of me.
So I left the Ritz after they went on, came home and met up to meet Mis, Will and his 2 girlfriends, followed by Ryan. So basically it was a hard core drinking day so we continued with ending it as hard core beer drinkin night. Down like 40 beers, gettin buzzed talking about life, from concepts of the after life, to reincarnation, to the apocalypse and 2012, to boys, fears in life etc etc. Was a very chill low key thing, we would soon retire to the beds and comfort of a good night sleep. Was a pretty busy day but had a blast.
So we have this plan of goin to the Yuengling Factory, with will and a few of his friends, So we go to north Tampa and meet there. We had to watch this god awful video of Yuenglings history.. which the tour guide said was ten minutes.. its was more like 20 minutes.. F that shit.. also.. why the hell were there children on this tour.. you know they got nasty ass rednecks with their kids coming to a beer factory for some free beer.. We got to taking the tour of this factory got to look inside the wart liquid container.. were the beer is held for fermentation.. yes I guess i actually did learn something.. however I was immediately displease, apparently they just had emptied it.. my child fantasy like like that of Augustus Gloop, not to drink from a chocolate river, although that would be cool.. I was more or less thinking I would "Accidentally" fall in the container holding all the beer, back stroking and frog legging through the foam and drinking under water. Moving forward.. so the tour ended, we got our free 2 samples of beer.. I guess it was equivalent to 1 beer.. FYI.. dont get Yuenglings Dark & Tan.. it taste like ass in a hot dead carcass... the light was much better.
So we took our venture later to World of Beer in New Tampa.. not the cheapest place for beer... like at all.. But we all had a good time. We got to take our Cheers action shot in the corner of the bar and after figuring our Misael's camera, I become one hell of a photographer! I got some shots in there that look like the pictures that lonely people leave in the picture frames when they buy em. I could prob sell em to Walmart or who ever makes the frames and ask if they wanna use my pictures lol
So after World of Beer, it was off to Evos. OK so this is how it is with me and Evos.. I reaally love the concept behind it.. like I get it.. but I really dont like the food lol I know its because I've been programmed and used to this, fast food high fat, high grease and high calories.. but the bad shit always taste better.. you know it lol. I had the Steakburger and Air Fries.. they probably should put "Air" in front of all their items.. cause its like your eating air.. its so light, it doesn't fill you up lol I was like that was it.. understand We've been drinking.. I want some nasty ass greasy food cause every drunk person does lol..but over all Ill give it 3 outta 5 stars.
So, get back to Will's apt. where I get my Tarot read.. pretty exciting stuff esp. with all the things Ill be faced with in a week. So basically they had told me.. that I am trapped behind something that is keeping me from getting the things I want most, and that once I figure it out and move past that I can start my new journey somewhere new.. I have a strong desire to learn new things and to take control of my life and soon I will be able to do that.. I just have to displace all the bad things and be willing to over come obstacles to achieve my goals. It was more or less right on cue. One card was about a person who I would have met a year ago, and this person was supposed to be the energy of what I am or was going to be. Someone who influenced me.. and yada yada yada, I couldn't help but think it was prob Jeremy who he was describing as most people there thought the same thing. But I dont think it would have been fair to judge a reading around one idea of recent things.
So my friend Erin was in this dance competition at the Ritz in Ybor, I got there a little late, but since her group was one of the later performances it all worked out. Funny thing was.. it was like a mirage lol cause as soon as I walk in not 20 feet in front of me walking to one side of the building was the ex.. I prob should have figured he would have been there, I met Erin through him and they work together. But for a minute I kinda jolted. I went the opposite way, hanging by the left. I guess it was good seeing him, mixed emotions are had to figure out, its hard to move on when you still see em around town. Anyway, so the show was actually very good, I was glad i went. I felt kinda bad for the aerial acrobatic chick cause they screwed her music up royally. Like 7 times a static boom.. music stopping.. restarting. it was bad, but she was a trooper and finished. Same things happed the the tap dancers, they still went on. and finally the moment I was waiting for.. So I see these few people come out with masks and I was like is that Erin.. yeah with that smile and swagger.. thats definitely her lol her group kicked ass.. they had the most eclectic taste and mix of all the styles even aerial. Couldn't help but to cheer her on as I annoyed the guys standing in front of me.
So I left the Ritz after they went on, came home and met up to meet Mis, Will and his 2 girlfriends, followed by Ryan. So basically it was a hard core drinking day so we continued with ending it as hard core beer drinkin night. Down like 40 beers, gettin buzzed talking about life, from concepts of the after life, to reincarnation, to the apocalypse and 2012, to boys, fears in life etc etc. Was a very chill low key thing, we would soon retire to the beds and comfort of a good night sleep. Was a pretty busy day but had a blast.
Out With The Old, In With The New
Since my blog is up and running, I've decided to do away with my Facebook. One of the steps of moving along with life. Who knows one day I may have it again, but for now.. not so. The basis of this blog was to "have a clean slate" so in order to do so I'm starting over, with everything and forgetting everything else.. I guess you can call it selective amnesia. I feel a blog is more on a personal level and more of ones self, which is exactly what I need to do.. focus on me, who knows maybe Ill learn something along the way.
So, basically I have like 4 days left of work and one week left of living here. My good friend Misael is coming to stay with us for a couple of days, which is nice because he knows just how to distract me and keep me on my toes.. be it getting wasted, going out to the clubs or getting slammed by a car from behind. I enjoy his company, he can say pretty much anything and make it comical and he's a great listener when you need to talk. Our plans are in writing yet, I dont think they ever are, but as far as I know its a get drunk go out weekend. Saturday is Pride in St. Pete which I think is the only definite plan of action, it'll be nice seeing the gays before I leave. This Thursday is my friend Erin's show at the Ritz in ybor, I'm pretty excited about goin, I haven't really been able to go out an do anything lately with friends, so this is like my last little hurrah before moving back home.
So, on another note, my mum and step dad came to pick up my bed today.. . It's a nice feeling when you know things are rolling and going on track. I haven't really decided what I'm goin to do with the rest of my things in storage Ill prob just leave em in there till I figure things out. Got my bike down there as well, I'm pretty excited to ride out there on the open roads.. its like meditation in motion. Endless roads with nothin but fields and cows. Thats what I miss most back home.. the openness of everything, the privacy of being by yourself. I cant remember the last time I was able to walk or ride a bike and just enjoy it without having worrying thoughts in the back of my head all the time. I guess theres just something about being around nature and by yourself, thats kinda lifts ya up and brings ya back level. I always thought me and my friends grew up like a Tom Sawyer story, maybe thats what I'm missing "my inner child" I guess its not a bad thing to rediscover that. All I know is that I'm ready! :)
In order to maintain this blog i've decided to purchase a camera, to keep track of what goes on down here and to share with others how things are goin. I've never owned a nice camera and I think the closest thing to one was when I bought a camera phone, clearly not even comparable, however I do like this app on my phone called toy cam, makes your photos look vintage, bout the only time I use my camera phone for is when I'm feelin artsy.
As far as other things go, I learned how to get feeds from other sites, slowly educating myself on how to do these things. Learning how to use some html and scripting. I'm not entirely unfamiliar I used it for my Myspace ages back, the context here is a bit more diverse however. But needless to say The blog is coming along. In the meantime check out some of feed subscriptions.. if your following me. Well I guess thats about it for now. Till next time - Peace and Love
So, basically I have like 4 days left of work and one week left of living here. My good friend Misael is coming to stay with us for a couple of days, which is nice because he knows just how to distract me and keep me on my toes.. be it getting wasted, going out to the clubs or getting slammed by a car from behind. I enjoy his company, he can say pretty much anything and make it comical and he's a great listener when you need to talk. Our plans are in writing yet, I dont think they ever are, but as far as I know its a get drunk go out weekend. Saturday is Pride in St. Pete which I think is the only definite plan of action, it'll be nice seeing the gays before I leave. This Thursday is my friend Erin's show at the Ritz in ybor, I'm pretty excited about goin, I haven't really been able to go out an do anything lately with friends, so this is like my last little hurrah before moving back home.
So, on another note, my mum and step dad came to pick up my bed today.. . It's a nice feeling when you know things are rolling and going on track. I haven't really decided what I'm goin to do with the rest of my things in storage Ill prob just leave em in there till I figure things out. Got my bike down there as well, I'm pretty excited to ride out there on the open roads.. its like meditation in motion. Endless roads with nothin but fields and cows. Thats what I miss most back home.. the openness of everything, the privacy of being by yourself. I cant remember the last time I was able to walk or ride a bike and just enjoy it without having worrying thoughts in the back of my head all the time. I guess theres just something about being around nature and by yourself, thats kinda lifts ya up and brings ya back level. I always thought me and my friends grew up like a Tom Sawyer story, maybe thats what I'm missing "my inner child" I guess its not a bad thing to rediscover that. All I know is that I'm ready! :)
In order to maintain this blog i've decided to purchase a camera, to keep track of what goes on down here and to share with others how things are goin. I've never owned a nice camera and I think the closest thing to one was when I bought a camera phone, clearly not even comparable, however I do like this app on my phone called toy cam, makes your photos look vintage, bout the only time I use my camera phone for is when I'm feelin artsy.
As far as other things go, I learned how to get feeds from other sites, slowly educating myself on how to do these things. Learning how to use some html and scripting. I'm not entirely unfamiliar I used it for my Myspace ages back, the context here is a bit more diverse however. But needless to say The blog is coming along. In the meantime check out some of feed subscriptions.. if your following me. Well I guess thats about it for now. Till next time - Peace and Love
My Impossible Possibilities
Apparently I
offended a few people by telling my story and mentioning names in my last post. Look, it's
facts, its true, its my blog. I'm not talking shit, I'm expressing my feelings
at the time when things went down and I have every right to do so. This blog is
to express myself, to show were I'm coming from and what I'm going to do in the
future. You cant know my reasoning behind this blog if you haven't heard the
past. If expressing my feelings through a blog is how I'm moving forward, then
be happy for me I'm moving forward and as Rizzo would say:
"I could hurt someone like me,
Out of spite or jealousy.
I dont steal and I dont lie,
But I can feel and I can cry.
A fact I'll bet you never knew.
But to cry in front of you,
That's the worse thing I could do."
So now that that is said. Onto my next entry:
Ok so, basically its time to jot down what things I would like to change about me or improve and things i want to learn and goals I will be making. So I've decided to come up with a list of my "impossible possibilities"
"Continue with school: Achieve my PTA degree"
"Get my body back: Have a 31" Waist by October, Pecs by December & Abs by May"
"Maintain a job: at a chiropractic or physical therapy office"
"Bike: at least 20 miles in one day"
"Be able to save and manage my money better"
"Learn how to grow vegetables"
"Visit my friends and family more"
"Try being more outdoors"
"Spend less time inside: only an 2 hours a day on the computer"
"Study my books every day for at least 20mins at a time"
"Learn how to play a new instrument"
"Educated more with ASL"
"Play more with my nephew and niece"
"Learn how to meditate"
"Stop complaining"
"Keep a diet"
"Be more green friendly"
"Join a sport"
"using more manners"
"Quit smoking"
"Stop drinking as much"
"Take better care of my body"
"Be more social: make new friends"
"Try new things: be comfortable outside my surroundings"
"Make up with people I hurt, or lost contact with"
"See my parents more"
"Stop biting my nails"
"Take a road trip to a different state"
"Go on a cruise with friends"
"Paint and draw more'
"Pick up a new hobby every month"
"Stay active no matter what"
"Smile, laugh and love more"
"Learn to forgive people and not hold grudges"
"Be more ambitious"
"take up yoga"
"Learn how to change my oil in my car"
"Study the Tao Te Ching"
"Focus on massage skills and modalities: sports massage, clinical massage"
"Adopt a road"
"Be more diverse"
"Get involved in my community"
"Take a dance class"\
"Pay off debts"
"Keep on top of bills"
"Teach someone something new"
"Attend more social events"
"Join a club"
"Learn to follow through on goals I make for myself"
Ok so for now those are things I would like to achieve and work on. Im sure Ill come up with more in the future, but for now its time to focus on these. Ill be updating my progress with these goals and scratching out the ones I've achieved. I'm hoping my time in Bradenton can show me how to be a better person to myself and to others. Wish me luck :)
Never Fly Too High Toward The Sun
SO to begin my amazing tale of fate and the disposition that has lead me here to this day, starts its beginnings in the lovely city of Tampa. (cue the dream-like waves, fade out and fog in). May 2010 - I've come to the conclusion that I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 4 months off and on (2 times off) and through a comment made from a friend lead to the thought of living together. "are you and Jeremy living together yet, you've been together awhile already?".. this didn't make me think of anything at first.. but then the next day however.. thinking like a romantic spontaneous person I am.. and yes I really am, I thought to myself why not.. we haven't been able to do things as a couple we've really wanted to do and with living together we could save money and do the things we always wanted, it was a perfect and unflawed idea.. who wouldn't want to save money and spend it on their spouse? I ran the idea across to him and it didn't really seem no surprise to me that he was more than happy with the request.. This was our chance to take the next step and to feel out how we work living together, of course we agreed this would be a trial basis and if it doesn't work out I'd move into my own apartment again no harm no foul. Well 2 weeks later I move out of my apartment, and was able to get away with not paying the last months rent and getting back my full $400 deposit. At this time we have already found an apartment and I put $150 deposit nonrefundable down and also by this time I've been living with him for two weeks. So here is where fate sends a bitch slap from the cosmos and sends me into a confuckted spiral downward. Wed. May 26 2010 - I get a call from the leasing officer of our new apartment saying we got the apartment we wanted, but in fact it was bigger, third floor, screened in balcony and cheaper.. so I said hell yes take it off the market, we'll take it.. it couldn't have been more of a comforting feeling.. of course until I get home and tell my boyfriend. So i get home to tell him the news.. he was not as thrilled as I thought. Turns out, he doesn't want to live together after all.. Of course I felt betrayed and abandoned. He told me "he still wanted to be together".. oh ok.. so you leave with everything in tact and I'm left robbed and broken, its perfectly fine.. suuuree. Well rewind to a back story.. So I have this best friend Ryan, who was dating this boy Mike, in the time they were dating me and my boyfriend Jeremy had made friends with Mike and his Sister. Well, Mike and Ryan had planned to go to this thing in Alabama called Bamajam, basically its like Woodstock for rednecks. Well about a 3 weeks to a month later they break up. Fast forward a week before Jeremy says he doesn't want to live together. So I'm sitting in bed when Jeremy asks me, Mikes sister invited me to go to Bamajam should I go.. I told him I wouldn't go cause that was something our friend Ryan had planned to do with Mike and that it would seem like you are trying to replace him and by doing so make him feel back stabbed.. fast forward the day after the breakup - I get a call at work from a very Heated Ryan "JJ..do you know Jeremy is at Bamajam with mike?" Well I was a bit shocked to say the least, especially after I advised him not to go and since he broke up with me the day before.. I could see how heart broken Jeremy was from all the Facebook pictures he posted. I mean at least ask your friend Ryan if its cool to take his place to go with his ex.. don't be a coward and go behind his back.. Ryan is still waiting for an apology, I don't see it coming really, Jeremy has been a bit selfish and inconsiderate, so why would he feel he did anything wrong. Meanwhile.. in the time of this whole betrayal I was trying to get my old apartment back.. by the grace of a good friend I was able to get a loan to pay for the deposit and first month.. Only was it then fate would again send me down a different path. So the week I decide to get my old apartment back, Shirly my old landlord happened to have a collapse that weekend.. ok lemme tell you Shirly is a spitfire ox, Ive never seen her sick.. she's always around so when I came 3 days in a row knocking at her door with no response I was a little worried, I thought she may have died in her apartment, thats when I found out she was in the hospital and they're not renting the apartments out till she gets better or the land owners get back from vacation... So I decided that was just another sign to move on to something else.. I gave the loan back to my friend, which was a good idea because I had in writing that I was paying him back in 2 weeks. Well.. heres comes another twist of fate.. It just so happened the week I was supposed to pay back this loan to my friend.. my check had bounced from work leaving me negative $600 dollars in my account.. so in fact if I waited for Shirly to get better took the apartment and kept the loan, I would haven't been able to pay it back, cause of my work check bouncing.. Also hearing my job might not be open after summer only made me think that even if all things worked out, Shirly never collapsed, I kept the loan and, got my apartment back, my work check had never bounced, I may have been outta a job 3 months later because they may be potentially closing and again be homeless. I mean all these things happen so perfectly one thing after another I just felt like I was being sent home to Bradenton for a reason.. So this is my last week here in Tampa and cant wait for this month to end and cant wait to start my life over again back home. So that is my life as is currently.. I just needed to catch you up before starting anew in Bradenton, the trials and tribulations that lead me here, the back story of it all, now I can finally move forward and on to greener pastures. Through all this, I've learned never to fly to close to the sun and that some ambitions can be too much for some people to handle.. never anticipate anything.. cause you might get hurt but instead become resilient from what you learned.
The End Love JJ
So it is coming to the end for me and living in Tampa. I have 2 weeks or less left to go.. and can't wait! I'm actually looking forward to moving back home, its a nice getaway from all the chaos that is Tampa. I've started moving my things down and will be for the next few days. I'm a bit nervous to find out what it is I'm really doing down here, but with everything telling me to make the move, I know it has some cosmic reasoning behind it. Bradenton isn't the most exciting place but it's what I call home and I'm looking forward to rediscovering what I lost in Tampa or losing what I gained, like 50lbs and some bad habits. I'll be able to go more into detail about everything in my life as soon as all this reestablishing myself down here is done. Until then - Peace and Love.
OK I think I got it down..
Well finally I think I got this site down and how to work my blog. After numerous hours and much debate on my blog name I came to the conclusion of Tabula Rasa Project, basically its gunna be a blog about me gettin a fresh start, or a "clean slate", new ideas, things I wanna get motivated to do etc. So in the mean time, until my next post, ill be thinkin about what things I would like to introduce here. Till then, peace and love.
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