Impossibly Possible

So It's only been about 4 days of being back home. Honestly I can say it much different and home doesn't seem like home anymore. This puts a dent in my ambitions when I was down here. I didn't anticipate what could be down here as apposed to what I thought was down here. I thought it would be like before I moved, just a simple small town life, not fast, nothing to strenuous or stressful, but the more I look around the more harder it seems than Tampa at times. I started with a perfect studio in Hyde Park, a fairly good job at Streetcars, and a boyfriend.. I guess you could say it was like the American dream for the gays. Now I'm in a 3 bedroom duplex, in the sticks, with no job and no boyfriend. Its a hard adjustment, and I just hope that I can get done with what I came down here for sooner than later. I think its just a hard transition seeing what I had and now realizing what I got. I suppose though that all that I lost is a encouragement for me to get it all back. Some things here seem the same, I guess its just growing up and moving out changes perspectives when you move back. I feel  like I moved from something hard to easy and now I'm back here living the hard. I used to love coming outside here at night and looking at the stars and since being out here I can see one damn star, I seen more in Tampa and its just another discomfort of home not feeling like home. So I finally got my sister to clean the place a little bit, I mean I just kept sitting on my bed and saying "I cant do this, I cant live here.. what am I supposed to do?" I think now that she understands that I have to live in some kind of regularity and that there has to be some order and cleanliness for me to stay anywhere, that she'll stay on top of it. Since its been cleaned it looks and feels a bit better, its leveled off a little stress. So I met up with my friend Renee to see the new Twilight, it was fairly good. Nothing like seeing a love story for a person like me with a lonely heart, I don't think I'm being emo or anything, its just.. I don't think that was the movie I was meant to see just yet, a lot of things still remind me of my ex and thats hard and with living out here I miss a lot of things in Tampa and its just a harsh reminder out here. however ther were some good parts of the movie, I think though the whole Jacob thing was a bit dramatic, It seemed like his acting got worse.. I think its because I got more worried about how he looked on camera not how he acts.I was originally gunna see The Last Airbender, which prob would have been a better choice. I think Im gunna see that with my friend Jenny who moved down here from Tampa, It's nice knowing I have a friend from Tampa down here. She lives a bit away in Sarasota, but its only about 20 mins from here. Also, the friends I do have here lately seem to bail out on me, leaving me left at home all day with nothing to do..Have I mentioned it rains all day everyday here... Another dent in my goals down here, How am I supposed to ride my bike and be more outdoors, or exercise and run.. Ughh.. I just seems like nothing works no matter where I go and things only seem to get worse.. I'm really trying to make things work and looking past the crap to try.. I'm just hoping that I can stick it out. Im headed to Tampa tomorrow, I gotta get my check and give a massage on tues. So I think I'm staying over at my friends house. It'll be nice goin back for a day or two. I just need a breather since being back here.. Oh well Happy Fourth of July